Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
