Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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