Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
