You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
