i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
