lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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