you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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