I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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