Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
