Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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