A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
