I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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