You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
