You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
