I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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