So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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