It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
