My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
