Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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