I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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