if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
