I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
