Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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