If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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