hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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