he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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