you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
