i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
