beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
