I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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