I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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