Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
