idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize