If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
