I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
