4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
