I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
