if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
