I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In America we eat man semen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
