If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
