ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
