$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
