So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
