He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize