And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
