my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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