you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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