I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
