Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
