I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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