i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
