Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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