I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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