I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Less talking, more tequila
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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