I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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