No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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