Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
