I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
