i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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