I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
