My liver just broke up with me...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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