so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize