I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
