We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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