dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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