Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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