I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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