i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
