if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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