come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
