a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
