Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
