I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
