If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
