i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
