i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize