I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
