Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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