I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
